Vulcanize my penis.

I'm lifting this directly from William Saletan's blog on Slate, but it was too good not to spread the word.

A German company is currently perfecting the next great contraceptive innovation: the spray-on condom. Essentially, this will be a tube into which the man can insert, press a button, and then emerge... packaged? The advantage over the traditional condom, the creaters say, is that each condom will be perfectly fitted to the wearer. Now, whether this is an advantage because it makes for better contraception or because fewer women will have to listen to guys go, "Um, don't you have any Magnums?" I'm not sure. The obvious disadvantage, it seems to me, will be transport. You clearly won't be able to slip the thing into your wallet. How will men deal with this? Holsters?